In any kind of couple love relationship, sexual intimacy and emotional connection are related to one another dynamically. When there is any kind of disturbance in one attribute, there is turmoil in the relationship. It has been seen that for some people emotional connection makes way for sexual bonding and for others, sexual attachments help in developing stronger emotional connections. The way of connection might vary from one person to another and is absolutely normal.
The initiation of sexual activity and the fear of rejection
In every couple relationship, one person is designated as the initiator of sexual activity – it can be the man or the woman. It is he or she who takes the lead role in the lovemaking process. The process is generally initiated through affection, cuddles, kisses, hugs, and special touches – often regarded as foreplay. Gradually the other partner starts actively participating in the process making lovemaking a highly pleasurable and enjoyable experience.
However, there is a risk associated with the initiator always. He/she might have to bear the pain of rejection from the other partner. It might happen that the other partner is not in mood for sex at that moment. Initiating the process of sex is like unrevealing oneself completely to the other person. Thus, when a rejection or disregard comes from the other end, it is quite painful and embarrassing.
Any partner who takes the responsibility of initiating sexual advancements expects an excited and receptive response from their partner. But sometimes that doesn’t happen. There might be various factors contributing to the negative or cold response. The person might not be in the right mood for sex or there might be serious relationship problems. Whatever be the case, it is important to be honest and direct with your partner to avoid damaging the emotional connection and attachment.
Some ways of letting your partner know that you are not in the mood
Not being in the mood for sex when your partner wants it is absolutely okay and there is nothing to feel guilty about it. The only thing you must keep into consideration is that you must handle the situation delicately so that your partner does not feel hurt and dejected. Also, this should not impact your love life or marital life in any manner. Here are some ways in which you can handle this situation without any hiccups for your relationship:
- Let him know in advance – Refrain from saying no to your partner for sex at the last moment. The best thing is to intimate him about your mood as early as possible. If you cannot say the thing at one go, unfold the story gradually finally saying that you are not in the mood for it right now. Your partner might start preparing for a steamy session and might make plans for the night in advance. He might also start making sexual advances for initiating the process. When you are not in the mood, just drop him a hint before he plans and starts his moves and actions. So, his ego will not be hurt and he will not feel dejected sexually too.
- Saying no is not a bad thing always – Many sex and relationship experts opine that saying no to sex when you are not in the mood is not a bad thing always. Rather sometimes it turns out to be a positive move. It might happen that since your partner wants sex, you comply with the wish, but you are actually not into it. For you it might turn out to be a mechanical process. You might fear that saying no will hurt your partner and you give in. But actually your partner might be looking for an emotional connection via sex and he will not be able to get the feeling he desires. This will hurt him more. There should be no compulsion or fear in a love relationship and hence saying no is not always a bad thing.
- Be honest in telling him the reason for no mood for sex – False and bad excuses seem to be killers in all kinds of relationships. This stands very true for couple love relationships. Instead of making futile excuses, it is best to be honest and tell your partner the real reason for not having mood for sex that night. Refrain from telling a stern no right on the face of your partner as this seems insulting. Rather start talking to him about how you spent your day. Share frankly if something happened to you, which is making you feel bad or sad. Or it might happen that you are extremely tired and you are looking for rest. Instead of a negative reply, tell your partner the actual situation and he will surely understand. Infact your honest confession will make him happy and he will embrace you with open arms. If you don’t tell him the reason frankly, he will keep on guessing what went wrong and that might make him feel guilty and even angry (depending on the personality of the person).
- Appreciate your partner’s understanding – If you have an understanding partner, consider yourself blessed. When your partner understands your situation and reason for saying no to sex, he definitely deserves true appreciation. Appreciation plays a very important role in your sexual life. Do not forget to appreciate his sense of understanding and the adjustments that he made just for you. Thank him for understanding you. You partner might be feeling a little low on your saying no to sex, but your heartfelt appreciation will definitely help him feel better and boost his spirits again. It becomes a win-win situation for both of you. Most importantly, it helps in maintaining a healthy and transparent relationship.
- Don’t forget to make plans – Now that you are not in the mood for sex and you have conveyed the message to your partner and even he has accepted the matter heartily, it is on you to make up for the spoilt plan. Talk to him directly and ask him when you can enjoy the pleasure next. When your partner sees that you have the same levels of interest as him, it will help in retaining the levels of excitement. Also, this will make up for the low mood (if your partner has it). While making the plan, tell him how much you love him and how eager you are to have sex with him next. Your partner will feel good and confident on the whole matter and will readily agree to your proposal.
- Get cozy in bed – Even if you don’t have sex, you can get cozy in bed. This is a great stress buster for both the partners. Embrace each other in a warm hug and snuggle up inside the blanket. You can play some soft music to create a romantic ambience. Talk to one another. You will see that both of you will feel good. Sleeping in each other’s arms is also a very comforting and relaxing feeling.
Having a healthy sexual relationship is important for any couple. And it is important to ensure that both the partners willingly participate in the process of lovemaking, making it ones of the best experiences of the world.